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The Real Reason Women Call Themselves "Independent"

Spotify Discover Weekly tells me a lot about myself. If you have Spotify, you know that they create a whole new playlist (available every Monday) of songs similar to the ones you've been listening to.

Know what else they do? Probably listen to your conversations, as Facebook does.

One of those songs was "Tough" by Quinn XCII (amazing artist!)

A few lines:

If you ever cried, you'd wipe with muscle tissue

You bench pressing more than me's not the issue

I know you're actually weaker than that

Let's hope that nothing get deeper than that

Like why, why are you only vulnerable when no one's around?

Your gym membership is not a crown.

When I heard it at first, I legit was offended by this guy. Singing about independent women that way! WTF SPOTIFY! I thought we had a good thing going here. But then, I paused and practiced what they tell you to do in therapy: Ask yourself why this is bothering you.

It bothered me because I saw a film reel of all the times I tried to tell men I don't need them. Subconsciously terrified that if I allowed myself to open up, they would take over and I would lose my independence forever.

Be a quiet housewife. One who never speaks up for what they really want because they're supposed to just do what's expected of them. Just be quiet and go along with what this stronger, bigger, more money-making man wants you to do.

So, I was like FUQ THAT.

I drove a truck and fixed my own tires. Practiced jiu-jitsu. Didn't wear perfume because it would attract the enemy. Wore no make-up (this too attracts the enemy). I wore men's deodorant and kept their clothes. Oversized flannels and football sweatshirts.

I am laughing as I write this and want to give that girl a hug. But it was a serious matter at the time - because I had to be that way to survive. I was alone, away from family, and had been rejected by a guy that I very much so liked. At the time.

I had to MAN UP and show the world that I don't need a man because all they do is bring pain.

// here is my independent women's soliloquy //

She's had to do a lot on her own.

Built a lot on her own.

She has trusted and been burned.

Has opened up.

And now hurts in a completely new way.

She wants to be validated.

She wants to be validated.

She wants to be validated.

For all that she has been through and built.


Be patient with her hard outer shell.

It reveals how delicately tender she is on the inside.

And she has a lot to protect.



like she


p r o t e c t e d b e f o r e

in relationships, intimate or not.

At some point, she had to protect herself.

From all the pain that men like you can bring.

Be patient with her hard outer shell.

It reveals how delicately tender she is on the inside.

She doesn't want to push you away.

If she does that, it's simply because she's scared.

Like a dog that snarls or a cat that hisses,

She isn't sure she can handle

the aftereffects of any more near-misses.

Because her heart is vulnerable, and she wants

to be cared for.

But some things you have to un-learn

in adulthood.

And strong independent women,

need to learn

that they

can receive love and still be strong independent women.

Our actions today are a starlight map of the things that have happened to us-- everyone is healing from things they don't speak about. I have a lot more to say on this topic, but I'll leave it here for today. I'm going mountain biking.

Independent women can be strong with men. They don't need to do it all alone. Heal, grow, allow love to show you the way.

That's my last line. #shred

Plant of Peace // I made that mug, thank you. I thought it would be a lot bigger but those kilns really shrink things.

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