First winter flurries always come as a surprise to me -- even though I know to expect them. I woke up feeling well-rested and looked out my window at a fresh blanket of snow covering the driveway and felt neutral. Winter comes every year, so why would I wish it away?
Similarly, why would I resist the seasons of my own life? I imagined my spirit on loan in this vessel using it as a navigation tool to bring it where it needs to go, which is through a process of birth and death cycles. I wondered why we expect life to remain the same when everything else in nature allows the seasons to change it.
Nature doesn't cling to summer or fear the release of fall. It doesn't hold back its fury, not even fire and great walls of waves that crash over cities and leave complete devastation.
I said out loud, to myself, in my car, "I'm down with the seasons, but why there gotta be ones with so much pain and confusion?"
My spirit guides gently reminded me that those things are a necessary part of the life process. They are, fortunately, or unfortunately, the power in the becoming. I saw myself clinging to a branch hanging onto the river's edge with the rushing river waters flowing over my bare skin. Gripping onto this branch, I am holding Shame and Unfairness. I am holding onto what currently is that I feel should not currently be. The water doesn't stress, it just washes over me slowly as it has done for millions of years. Surely, I'm not the first to cling to these things, and not even for a moment wonder what could be ahead, and that it could be the place I need to be.
Finally, because I get tired, my grip slips from the branch and I float down the river - reaching back for the branch that is Shame and Unfairness.
Shame feels like - you have acted in ways that you never imaged you would, and you have done things you never thought you could. You have betrayed yourself, your beautiful soul, and you've created this hurting hole inside of you. You have done something wrong.
Unfairness feels like - you have been placed here in this current situation. You're been flanked on each side by unfortunate events and from your innermost being, you want to cry the question why, why ,why over and over until the soil is changed by truth in your voice and the salt of your tears.
And where do I go? Floating down the river alone. Watching as stones, trees, and birds appear and then disappear. They reappear and then they're gone. It is a continual cycle. Allowing the things I want to cling onto to have their time with my spirit, and then I set them free.
Shame & Unfairness - you've had your time with me. But now it's time to allow the river to do what it's best at - and wash over the jagged edges of me. To smooth the rough surfaces and allow the sun and moon to cycle through their magnetic partnership to pull me toward my own becoming destiny.
And with it, welcomes a new season. We want to grip and hold onto what we know because it's where our mind feels most comfortable. Even if what we currently know is giving us anxiety, stress, fear, anger, distrust, and frustration... if it's what we know then it's what we're most comfortable going back to or staying in. To change, it takes immense trust in the Universe to pull from within the things that are no longer serving us and truly create empty space for them to transform.
Empty space is uncomfortable. But imagine it like a blank canvas, and all of the colors are coming. They will paint a completely new picture for you - it's just one you can't quite see yet.
I wish you well during this next season, it comes with new challenges (yes) but it also comes with new joys, victories, and versions of yourself that I think you'll be quite proud of.